A day of highs and lows
I participated in three vastly different "baby" experiences today.
The first was bringing a baby shower gift to a friend's daughter; the daughter is expecting her first child in December. A very sweet girl.
The second was a Baptism for the baby of my brother-in-law and his wife. Little Rebecca Marie was quite a good sport about all that water, not to mention the oil on her head!
The third was a very sad affair, however. Last week, a friend of mine lost her baby. She was only eight days away from her delivery date. Today was the funeral. The family is relatively new to our parish, so not many people attended the funeral. And I suppose that there are some people out there who cannot understand why someone would want a funeral for a baby that had not technically been "born." But I understood.
I was not exactly envious - since I certainly did not wish my friend ill - but I do wish that I, too, had been able to have some "closure" in my miscarriages. I am told that I am the process of miscarriage number four, and I can tell you that it hurts to lose that little life that you thought you were going to get to cuddle and talk to and fuss over. Even if you never met them, never saw them, never touched them - it hurts. And to lose such a life only days before you thought you were going to meet her,... it breaks my heart to think about the pain this little family is going through.
I say "in the process" of a miscarriage because the actual bleeding part of the miscarrieage has not occurred yet. I have just been told that my pregnancy hormones have dropped by about 50% in the last two weeks, which doesn't happen if you're still pregnant. So I get to wait, knowing that I am not going to keep my baby, and not able to do anything about it, apparently. Maybe that's part of what was bugging me last night, too: the un-avoidable-ness of death.
No matter how short or how long I live, one day I will die. And there is NOTHING that I can do to change that. The only thing I can do is change my mindset on death (as in, acceptance or terror). I *do* believe in a resurrected life; I just don't want to have to die to achieve it!! Ah, well.
At least I saw the balance of life today; that although there is sorrow at death, there is also great joy in new life. It was good to see.
The first was bringing a baby shower gift to a friend's daughter; the daughter is expecting her first child in December. A very sweet girl.
The second was a Baptism for the baby of my brother-in-law and his wife. Little Rebecca Marie was quite a good sport about all that water, not to mention the oil on her head!
The third was a very sad affair, however. Last week, a friend of mine lost her baby. She was only eight days away from her delivery date. Today was the funeral. The family is relatively new to our parish, so not many people attended the funeral. And I suppose that there are some people out there who cannot understand why someone would want a funeral for a baby that had not technically been "born." But I understood.
I was not exactly envious - since I certainly did not wish my friend ill - but I do wish that I, too, had been able to have some "closure" in my miscarriages. I am told that I am the process of miscarriage number four, and I can tell you that it hurts to lose that little life that you thought you were going to get to cuddle and talk to and fuss over. Even if you never met them, never saw them, never touched them - it hurts. And to lose such a life only days before you thought you were going to meet her,... it breaks my heart to think about the pain this little family is going through.
I say "in the process" of a miscarriage because the actual bleeding part of the miscarrieage has not occurred yet. I have just been told that my pregnancy hormones have dropped by about 50% in the last two weeks, which doesn't happen if you're still pregnant. So I get to wait, knowing that I am not going to keep my baby, and not able to do anything about it, apparently. Maybe that's part of what was bugging me last night, too: the un-avoidable-ness of death.
No matter how short or how long I live, one day I will die. And there is NOTHING that I can do to change that. The only thing I can do is change my mindset on death (as in, acceptance or terror). I *do* believe in a resurrected life; I just don't want to have to die to achieve it!! Ah, well.
At least I saw the balance of life today; that although there is sorrow at death, there is also great joy in new life. It was good to see.
posted by Kathy Romer | 9:33 PM
1 Comments:
The above comment was deleted because it was some goofy spam comment about "making money quick!!"
Post a Comment
<< Home